I had a dream last night that I was at the bottom of the ocean. I could breathe and walk as if on land but in slow motion.
It was dark but not cold, I was a little anxious about what I would find but I was also a bit excited as if I were on a treasure hunt. I was searching….
A small flashlight pointed the way and in the dark silence around me, I was plotting my course… everything was covered in a blanket of debris. One motion of my hand and the blanket would rise in a tornado of particles revealing what lie underneath….
I saw pieces that were important me. Pieces that I thought I had lost. I was happy to have found them but I kept searching. I don’t even know what I was searching for.
Then I saw the silhouette of a body. I waved my hand to dust off the the debris and the particles slowly separated floating into the water like a snow globe to reveal a young girl.
As I gazed upon the girl’s face she was motionless, pale, and peaceful. The slight turn up of the corners of her mouth made me feel like she was happy I found her. She was at rest and a trinket lay on her chest. It was what I had been searching for even though I could not identify what it was. I just knew it was a small piece of importance that I needed now in this life to move forward. I took the trinket and was grateful to have found the treasure.
I looked up into the darkness knowing I had to find more…pointing my light ahead I saw another body in the distance. I slowly made my way deeper into the dark abyss.
I waved my hand as if to dust off the treasure and fragments of debris scattered around. It was the body was a young man. My eyes recognized his face, but his face was different than who he was in my heart.
He opened his eyes…
He began showing me the way. Letting me know where everything, I didn’t even know I wanted, was hidden. He was neither happy nor sad. But he was making sure to let me know where to stay away from. He did all of this with no words…
I was grateful.
As I opened my eyes to the morning, it was still dark in my room. I lie there thinking about what I was searching for and why….
The parallel thoughts of my present journey revealed.
We need pieces of the past to help us along this current path. Old versions of ourself die and our angels are always there to guide us. And the most important lesson is to be brave and shine your light into the darkness because in the unknown you will find the missing pieces needed to complete your MASTER-PEACE.
Goes by fast when you’re not paying attention, especially as a parent. One day we are basking in the smell of the soft innocent hair on the crown of a babe… and then we blink!
Years have gone by. Your only pleasure is waiting for this adult to give you the slightest cue of appreciation that may never come. Only time will tell…
As a parent, I have struggled and still struggle just like you. Its not an easy job. But it is a job that we chose. Were we ready? Hell no! But we step up to the challenge. That’s the only parenting requirement…your time!
Raising a child is a conscious sacrifice. I promise the benefit of that sacrifice is nothing short of a miracle. But you got to put in the time.
Learn that your child’s body language can scream volumes. It takes time to listen with your mind. Understand how every word, action, and promise will make a difference in their world. You are molding them, whether you think you are or not, just know they are absorbing every negative and positive experience. Shaping them in to whatever they are allowed to create in their mind.
Keep telling them they have disappointed you and they will eventually take on the tragedy role with pleasure.
Continue showing them how loving you are when they smile and they will take on the comedy role with ease.
The choice is yours. Take some time and think about it.
We need to talk because I can’t stop laughing…I did it! I motivated myself to dust off the yoga mat after 6 years and get my life together. First of all, I didn’t choose a difficult type of class, and thought “No problem, I can modify, I’m experienced.” Oh yeah, and to make matters worse I dragged my mom to come along for her first time.
It went sort of like this:
1 min in: We give a confident smile to one another thinking “Let’s do this.” 10 minutes in: She and I look at each other in disbelief, “Wow, this is difficult.” 15 minutes in: We look at each other again and add, “WTF!” 16 minutes in: We are both in child pose bowing our heads in shame, as the rest of class doesn’t whimper. 17 minutes in: We sit on the mats glancing at each other, drenched in sweat, giving the universal facial expression for “DYING!”
Just then, the teacher starts to walk around. We both start casually stretching our necks looking behind us, so we can avoid the teacher’s glance. We lay on our stomachs ready to melt into the floor with some corpse pose soon?! (fingers crossed). 30 minute in: We added in some floor work, not by choice, but we were already down there…why not?! 35 minutes in: We unanimously express that we both feel like barfing, and we lay with our foreheads on the mat until the teacher says get ready for the final savasana. (Here it comes, some desperately needed relaxation!!) Now, at 36 minutes precisely, something magical happens. A synchronicity of proportions occurred because just last night my husband added a wonderful thought to the universe that people tend to fart in yoga class, so stay classy if that happens.
Cue the release of intention into the universe as easily as blowing dandelion seeds into the wind…
36 minutes in: I roll over to get on my back and let it RIP (unintentionally, scouts honor!) I stare at the ceiling holding back the smile thinking how unfortunate the dude was in front me. I know it sounds crazy, and call it what you want, karma, intuition, synchronicity, de-ja-vu, signs, coincidence…but it happened. It was at 45 minutes that it got real serious…my mom DOES THE SAME THING! BIGGER! We can barely roll up to sitting position, our hands come together giving thanks for today….(I shutter a high pitch squeal trying to mask my laughter). I bring my hands to my heart…NAMASTE! (I squeal again, and this time I look behind me giving that old “please don’t look at me”, while I try to physically restrain myself from laughter with every muscle that still works). Breathe! This was for sure the most intense relaxation technique I have ever attempted, some real seriousness. It worked. Until the class was over…. 47 minutes in: We acknowledge our immature behavior practically peeing our pants with laughter over the realty that we both did exactly what our most embarrassing fears would be…. In that moment, I was happy. In that moment, me and my mom shared a bond of powerful emotion, an exchange of respect, an understanding of humility, and an innocence that transcends any material gift. We made a connection.
Lesson: It’s the small things in life that are really big, so stop worrying about the big things because in the end they are so small.
I grew up in retail cosmetics. I say grew up because I started the career at a very crucial time for my development as a woman. I was a new mother with a new agenda which included making this tiny human proud to call me mom. I was driven to make a change in my life and ran away from the service industry which was my home for 8 years. I was slinging chicken wings during the day, then I bartended in a nightclub that hosted raves all night. Needless to say, I wasn’t in a position in my life to be a role model for my daughter and in process of having my second midlife crisis.
(Thought bubble over head shows a slide show of all the crazy pictures at the end of the movie “The Hangover”) That was my life in a nutshell! I definitely needed a nudge to do better.
Oh boy, my second midlife crisis. Now that was fun! Ok, I digress… those stories for another day.
Now, at this point in the story, 10 years have passed, and I have been very successful in customer service, makeup artistry, business management, and I totally immersed myself into a brand that I loved. Oh yeah, I drank the Kool-aid and for a while it tasted good. However, I started to notice that every time in my career I did not take the advice of some executive or senior manager about my career path, I was outed from the popular crowd just a little bit. This went on for another 10 years, until I was hanging on to the fringe of the brand’s philosophies, feeling just like you do when you ride the Giant Swing at the carnival. You know… elated but scared for your life at the same time. I remember spending the entire 3 minutes of the ride clinging to life, imagining how and where I would land if the chains broke and catapulted me into the unknown. Scared AF!
The company took a turn for the worse and the retail industry tanked, staffing adjustments, benefit cuts, lay-offs, job enlargement, and all these changes took place at strategic times secretly and universally for the entire company, no one was safe. The quick decision of the company to rip the band-aid off the bleeding wound caused an infection of bitter overworked employees, myself included. I took a promotion in a dying location thinking it would position myself for safety as the ship sank…(insert a slow sarcastic tone) yeeeeaaaahh… don’t do that. Not only did I have no way out, I backed myself into a corner. Then the most tragic experience of my life happened…my dad passed away. From December 21 to Dec 31 of December 2017, the power switch was activated in my soul. For you visual learners, I was winning a strong woman competition flipping a truck tire of emotion like it was sculpted from weightless foam. During those 10 days, my entire view of the world changed, and I was ready to make a move.
I began actively searching job postings for positions of any kind, and I put my pride aside to let my boss know I would greatly appreciate her support. The company obliged to my surprise, and they stuck me exactly where I needed to be (insert sarcasm). I was afforded the assisting leadership role under a manager that I can only describe as dark, secretive, and dishonest (straight up movie villain style). A cringe-worthy supervisor that an employee dreads to be around. It feels like a hopeless situation, I relied on my interactions with customers to lift my day. Can you imagine? It’s usually the customers that are cringe-worthy, and now I was hoping to connect with anyone just avoid the negativity that was my new work-life.
(Thought bubble reads: It’s time to go!)
What are dreams if you can’t make them come true because you’re slaving away for someone else’s dream? Expending all your energy to something that you will not be thanked for or reap any benefit, other than a small financial gain that weighs you down like a ball and chain because now you’re accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Financial growth should never be the traded for emotional abuse. Stay mindful, (professional note) you cannot change someone else’s poor behavior if they are in denial; however, there is hope because you can change the way you react to it. If you need a list of emotional abusive behaviors, here you go. I had to pick my top five-ish because the list could go on forever.
Reactive and non-patient
Rude and boisterous
Judgmental and gossipy
Conditional and shows favoritism
Oppressive and authoritarian
No, this isn’t a villain in a horror movie, it’s your boss!
Breathe. Let it go!
Reaction fuels the fire
Why do you think we are so consumed by other’s behaviors, especially at work? Here’s why! In a workplace environment, we are the shell of our personalities. We are putting on a front, for the world to judge. WHAT’S THIS? WE ARE A DEAD ONE OF THESE!
Still keeping our shape, just lifeless. Smooth segue
I don’t want to be a dead, crustacean looking, shell of myself with a painted clown face exhibiting absurd behavior which compromises everything about myself that is unique and wonderful!
Time to burn that bridge
I made a conscious effort to burn my bridge, not because I was scared, but because I needed to challenge myself to become more.
“Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge” – Don Henley Musician
According to the Forbes article written by Liz Ryan, the 5 exceptions to burning a bridge include:
You will be tempted to go back some day, work twice as hard, and expect a different result #insanity
Someone tries to dim your flame, and you have to be someone you’re not just to prove to someone you don’t like, that you are worthy. Mean girls are ugly.