I had a dream last night that I was at the bottom of the ocean. I could breathe and walk as if on land but in slow motion.
It was dark but not cold, I was a little anxious about what I would find but I was also a bit excited as if I were on a treasure hunt. I was searching….
A small flashlight pointed the way and in the dark silence around me, I was plotting my course… everything was covered in a blanket of debris. One motion of my hand and the blanket would rise in a tornado of particles revealing what lie underneath….
I saw pieces that were important me. Pieces that I thought I had lost. I was happy to have found them but I kept searching. I don’t even know what I was searching for.
Then I saw the silhouette of a body. I waved my hand to dust off the the debris and the particles slowly separated floating into the water like a snow globe to reveal a young girl.
As I gazed upon the girl’s face she was motionless, pale, and peaceful. The slight turn up of the corners of her mouth made me feel like she was happy I found her. She was at rest and a trinket lay on her chest. It was what I had been searching for even though I could not identify what it was. I just knew it was a small piece of importance that I needed now in this life to move forward. I took the trinket and was grateful to have found the treasure.
I looked up into the darkness knowing I had to find more…pointing my light ahead I saw another body in the distance. I slowly made my way deeper into the dark abyss.
I waved my hand as if to dust off the treasure and fragments of debris scattered around. It was the body was a young man. My eyes recognized his face, but his face was different than who he was in my heart.
He opened his eyes…
He began showing me the way. Letting me know where everything, I didn’t even know I wanted, was hidden. He was neither happy nor sad. But he was making sure to let me know where to stay away from. He did all of this with no words…
I was grateful.
As I opened my eyes to the morning, it was still dark in my room. I lie there thinking about what I was searching for and why….
The parallel thoughts of my present journey revealed.
We need pieces of the past to help us along this current path. Old versions of ourself die and our angels are always there to guide us. And the most important lesson is to be brave and shine your light into the darkness because in the unknown you will find the missing pieces needed to complete your MASTER-PEACE.
Goes by fast when you’re not paying attention, especially as a parent. One day we are basking in the smell of the soft innocent hair on the crown of a babe… and then we blink!
Years have gone by. Your only pleasure is waiting for this adult to give you the slightest cue of appreciation that may never come. Only time will tell…
As a parent, I have struggled and still struggle just like you. Its not an easy job. But it is a job that we chose. Were we ready? Hell no! But we step up to the challenge. That’s the only parenting requirement…your time!
Raising a child is a conscious sacrifice. I promise the benefit of that sacrifice is nothing short of a miracle. But you got to put in the time.
Learn that your child’s body language can scream volumes. It takes time to listen with your mind. Understand how every word, action, and promise will make a difference in their world. You are molding them, whether you think you are or not, just know they are absorbing every negative and positive experience. Shaping them in to whatever they are allowed to create in their mind.
Keep telling them they have disappointed you and they will eventually take on the tragedy role with pleasure.
Continue showing them how loving you are when they smile and they will take on the comedy role with ease.
The choice is yours. Take some time and think about it.
Wow! I can’t believe it. A consulting group wants me. They know I am transitioning my career. They are willing to take me on and train me with the experience I so desperately desire.
RED FLAG #1.
If you are currently (or have ever) transitioned into a new career, you can relate. All transferable skill and no experience = job hunting with a pair of bolt cutters. It seems every road is closed. It takes strong character to cut the bullshit.
Well, guess who did not listen to their intuition?
But this time it was different. (pleading)
Yes, it has happened more than once. Shame on me!
I am leaving at the perfect time based on my Wazeapp, still giving myself a 30 minute window for parking and navigating downtown. Ok, first of all the fact that I actually think it through this fucking detailed is a blessing and a curse. For example, I stayed up late researching the company, writing the notes for my elevator pitch, and grooming my circus side-show appearance as the bearded lady…. and my head hit the pillow around 5 am.
Then, I stare at the clock on my phone for another hour and half checking periodically that I set the alarm for the right time…who does that shit?
I close my eyes and drift off…
Getting ready, I decided to hold off on the coffee knowing I would be walking a few blocks, or in circles more likely.
Caffeine + nerves + aimlessly walking around trying to follow that Google trail of dots = a hot mess…
Google maps rant: Is there anyone else that has a mental breakdown when you can’t figure out which direction you are walking, and you keep hitting Re-center as if it’s magically going to make sense. Seriously?! I digress…
OK, I found the building with a couple of minutes to spare, I press the 14th floor. And in the next few minutes I knew I had been catfished. It went like this:
Young man steps into elevator and says ” 4 please”
Me: pressing button “Sure”
Him: “1402 is on 4, right?”
Me: “No, that would be on the 14th Floor.” Thought bubble overhead reads…did that just come out of his mouth?!
Him: (Blank stare, I already pressed the button)
We had a brief discussion and found out we were going to the same place for an interview at the same time.
My thought bubble overhead looks a little like this… RED FLAG #2.
We proceed to ride in silence together and when we walk out of the elevator, I introduce myself in a last-ditch effort to be memorable. You never know in business (tip for networking). We walk together down the hallway to the door and open it to the typical corporate catfish scene.
The pool table staged in the middle of the waiting room was there to say “Hey, we’re hip and fun!” And the electronic music blaring was almost an insult to anyone trying to think.
The walls are clear glass so everyone can see who you are. The girl at the receptionist table looks up and says “Which company are you here for?” Now, it was at this moment that her eyes rolled so far in the back of her head that I thought she might have given herself whiplash. I even remember looking at the men behind the glass and making a silly facial expression like “YIKES.” Just trying to keep it light.
Said whiplash victim proceeds to hand my new friend Louis and I clipboards of information to fill out. Ironically we were there for two different companies.
I sit on the tiny-legged couch which resembles the stature of a Corgi, and start scribbling.
The receptionist dressed in all black with heavily worn makeup (like worn last night), stomps her heeled boots into the middle of glass offices. One man sits behind a desk dressed casual, and the other is standing in a suit talking very loud. The sports small talk turned silent as the Devil Wears Prada look-a-like closes the door. With their backs to me I can see them discussing (whispering). 30 seconds later, which actually felt like an eternity. She comes out of the room, closes the door behind her.
Secret stuff going on in the glass office (enter sarcasm).
The girl calls me into the office next door and proceeds to explain why I am there, what they will do, and what they will expect from me… in less than 3 minutes. I mean this girl was ready for the auction house. I heard every 10th word and tried to keep up until she said, “So do you want to do it?”
Thought bubble overhead reads…WTF???
I decided to recap what I just heard…I take that back. I don’t even know what the hell I heard other than a pyramid scheme. That was the only thing I knew for sure. RED FLAG #3.
“Thank you very much, it’s time for me to go.” As I walked out, Louis was still sitting awkwardly on the fancy looking modern couch with his knees practically touching his ears. I said goodbye and good luck.
Lesson: Don’t let anyone baffle you with bullshit! If you see a red flag don’t ignore it. Be ready to move on and try not make that same mistake again.
Like a catfish, you are hungry and they are always willing to put their hands in your mouth acting like they are going to feed you. If you decide to bite, be ready to let go quick…don’t get catfished!
So on a lighter note…when I was 6, I was rushed to the ER for a very peculiar predicament. I know you’re thinking life or death emergency, but calm your nerves and put on a smile, we are about to go for a wild ride!
Preface: Of all the gifts I have ever received in my childhood, my favorite gift was a 5 gallon ice cream bucket decorated with glued felt on the outside. I remember having to really pry the top open carefully using my fingertips to inch my way around, lifting as I went. Finally, I peeled the plastic teeth apart to reveal the most magical sight. The old 5 gallon jug of ice cream was repurposed as an art studio on the go. It was filled with every art supply a kid could imagine; pad of paper, watercolors, crayons, markers, glue, scissors… GASP!
Over time that 5 gallon jug that went everywhere with me. I was never without it. However, now its a bucket filled with the equivalent of crayon quicksand made of paperless wax nubbins.
And the smell…was HEAVEN!
So, fast forward to me spending some time at my grandmother’s house approximately 6 years old. I am sprawled out on the green shag carpet (circa 1979) with a sketch pad and a brand new box of crayons to add to my hoard. The 64 pack with the built-in sharpener…AHHHH…in my world, that was the equivalent of the golden ticket to the Wonka Factory.
All the tools I needed to make the pages come alive and keep me occupied in wonderment for hours. Now, at this precise moment my 6 year old brain felt a booger. I can see you smiling…what would you do? Time to strategize. I realized I had to make a choice. I looked at the box of all the beautiful new crayons and had pick the “one.” You know, the sacrificial pawn? It was SKY BLUE…
Sky blue was the one crayon in the box that never had a chance with its waxy like texture. It never looked smooth and would glob up the more you used pressure. Yuck! I carefully extracted the tool from the box and…
I WENT IN….ALL IN!!!
Using the perfect point to reach this nose goblin, carefully of course… and the tip breaks! WOW. If I didn’t dis-like this color before, I really dis-liked it now. The search and rescue mission failed. I pushed the fragment farther up my nose. I walked calmly to my grandmother to show her my stupidity and her efforts to retrieve it were also futile. It was really lodged in there…off the ER we go.
I sat on the table while doctors forced mini-forceps up my nose, trying to hold back their laughter while they were digging for gold… well actually sky blue.
Now, as I look back at this experience, I am not traumatized or embarrassed. I am grateful to have grown-up in a generation where imagination ruled.
Problem-solving skills on point! (PUN INTENDED)
Mindful parent lesson: Take the tablet or phone out of your child’s hands and yours. Teach them to interact with people. Talk with your child and let them ask a trillion “why” questions. Teach them to use art, music, or reading as an outlet. Let your kids know it’s ok to be silly. It’s ok if their imaginary friend wants to come for dinner. And if they want to color their grass purple, encourage them to make it the most beautiful purple anyone could imagine.
Praise them for their open minds and unlimited potential.
“The imagination is the golden pathway to everywhere.”
We need to talk because I can’t stop laughing…I did it! I motivated myself to dust off the yoga mat after 6 years and get my life together. First of all, I didn’t choose a difficult type of class, and thought “No problem, I can modify, I’m experienced.” Oh yeah, and to make matters worse I dragged my mom to come along for her first time.
It went sort of like this:
1 min in: We give a confident smile to one another thinking “Let’s do this.” 10 minutes in: She and I look at each other in disbelief, “Wow, this is difficult.” 15 minutes in: We look at each other again and add, “WTF!” 16 minutes in: We are both in child pose bowing our heads in shame, as the rest of class doesn’t whimper. 17 minutes in: We sit on the mats glancing at each other, drenched in sweat, giving the universal facial expression for “DYING!”
Just then, the teacher starts to walk around. We both start casually stretching our necks looking behind us, so we can avoid the teacher’s glance. We lay on our stomachs ready to melt into the floor with some corpse pose soon?! (fingers crossed). 30 minute in: We added in some floor work, not by choice, but we were already down there…why not?! 35 minutes in: We unanimously express that we both feel like barfing, and we lay with our foreheads on the mat until the teacher says get ready for the final savasana. (Here it comes, some desperately needed relaxation!!) Now, at 36 minutes precisely, something magical happens. A synchronicity of proportions occurred because just last night my husband added a wonderful thought to the universe that people tend to fart in yoga class, so stay classy if that happens.
Cue the release of intention into the universe as easily as blowing dandelion seeds into the wind…
36 minutes in: I roll over to get on my back and let it RIP (unintentionally, scouts honor!) I stare at the ceiling holding back the smile thinking how unfortunate the dude was in front me. I know it sounds crazy, and call it what you want, karma, intuition, synchronicity, de-ja-vu, signs, coincidence…but it happened. It was at 45 minutes that it got real serious…my mom DOES THE SAME THING! BIGGER! We can barely roll up to sitting position, our hands come together giving thanks for today….(I shutter a high pitch squeal trying to mask my laughter). I bring my hands to my heart…NAMASTE! (I squeal again, and this time I look behind me giving that old “please don’t look at me”, while I try to physically restrain myself from laughter with every muscle that still works). Breathe! This was for sure the most intense relaxation technique I have ever attempted, some real seriousness. It worked. Until the class was over…. 47 minutes in: We acknowledge our immature behavior practically peeing our pants with laughter over the realty that we both did exactly what our most embarrassing fears would be…. In that moment, I was happy. In that moment, me and my mom shared a bond of powerful emotion, an exchange of respect, an understanding of humility, and an innocence that transcends any material gift. We made a connection.
Lesson: It’s the small things in life that are really big, so stop worrying about the big things because in the end they are so small.